My blog XP

October 24, 2025

12:37 AM

OUgh my room is so cold ToT. I really want to eat a snack right now.

I pulled out the HTML and CSS tutorial book thing that I bought from Vallue Village. It's really old ToT. So old in fact, that it lists geocities and myspace as places you can host your website.. I think that most of the rest of the info is still fine thought. It's fun looking through the index to find the information you need instead of having to look it up.

Oh god I'm so stressed about Halloween. I'm going to a party that day and I gotta find a costume ToT. So far the only stuff I can think about is Transformers but even a simple cosplay of that would take more time than a week to make... I feel horrible to be honest. I don't think that I should be this terrified about it all. There's not much I can do thought, since I'm not about to get up and start making an Optimus Prime cosplay. I don't know if I have enough cardboard and I have zero pattern to follow. (Because considering you would be making something 3d, you'd want one. Oh god I'm so worried.

does somebody want to pay for my top surgery?

1:27AM

I think that writing img src="" as img scr="" must be one of the typos that I make that always evades me the most ToT. I'll be like "huh? the image isn't displaying?" and I'll spend a good 5 minutes tryna figure it out, then I'll glance at that part of the code and realise my typo XD.

3:25 AM

So this is a little more personal? I might delete it later, but realistically I'll just forget about it.

Click to show/hide panel. discussion abt genitalia (specifically abt bottom growth) within

I was looking at the r/GrowYourTDick (using an extension on google chrome) because I'm considering taking T (which would probably take a pretty long time to get my hands on in the first place) and I realized I have basically zero knowledge about how possible results might look. So I figured looking at other ppl's pics would help.

It was a pretty enlightening thing, to be honest. I don't really know if bottom growth is something that would bother me or not? It kinda made me realize how much I hate dislike genitals in the first place? Like I apparently really mean it when I'd rather be like a doll with no genitals. I kinda wasnt expecting that kind of reaction from myself XD.

It makes it kinda hard thought, because there are other things from T I would want. I think.

I don't know anymore :(

I just want to be. without. those things. I don't want a vagina or a uterus or a penis or testicles or anything inbetween or other.

Like, I want top surgery. I know that. But the rest? I'd be fine with more body hair. I don't mind body hair. I wish I just didn't have to deal with the whole reproductive system or excretion of food waste parts.

I think if there was an option to have a bottom part like a barbie doll, completely smooth and with nothing in there, I would jump at that opportunity XD.

thinking back to when I "mained" neutrois as my gender identity.. like. i still get it. it still makes a lot of sense. the only thing is that im ok with certain presentation things that would identify me as more "male". man i hate gender its so complicated and confusing and nothing seems to feel right. like these labels or ways of looking at it seem to always hit a few of the main points of my gender then completely disregard/oppose others.

not even my pronous really bring me that much joy. maybe it's cuz im not used to ppl using them for me but. idk its just really hard.

script/code from this demonstration on the w3schools website. the test program is taken from this lesson, also on w3schools.

4:11 AM

lowkey maybe my gender is extra fucked cuz neurodivergent?

i gotta work more on my website < / 3

Octover 22, 2025

I feel like I'm going insane. There is so much cool stuff in the world and it makes me so exited then I'm stuck sitting at home because I don't live near Chicago, USA.

This site is trying to channel that exitement/energy somewhere, because otherwise I feel pretty awefull. It sometimes works but sometimes I take too long to get the energy out and then I can't do anything about it.

Button!!

I finally got around to making a site button. (I've been meaning to make one for a while XD.) I just opened krita and make the first thing that popped up in my mind, zero prep. Its not a very good button, but I made it and I think it's going to be just fine. Maybe someday I'll have a better idea of what I want on my button and I'll make another, but until then, this one will do just fine!!

It does kinda mean I think I gotta hurry up and start linking to cool things, start building a resources library bank of links and whatnot. (Which is also something I've been wanting to do for a while...)

October 21, 2025

I'm thinking about an uphaul of my website, with a larger focuse on Transformers?

Like switching up how the pages are set up and putting a separate page for reviews on movies etc., since I do want to start working on my writing again. I like creative writing but I would like to also improve my essays and that whole thing of presenting ideas and all that.

I don't actually have any reviews or essays yet so I'd probably want to rewatch some stuff before hand, which should be fairly easy, since I do like transfomres.

so it's pretty much four hours later than when i wrote that ^ but im back.

i've been kinda thinking about my whole "i want to write things" some more. I still want to do that, so I was looking at an old piece of homework, a movie review. I reread it and to be honest, was mortified. It was terrible. And I got a 4+ on it?? HOW.

Regardless, I realized that I would actually have to try and write something, despite the quality, because otherwise I would never get started lol! So I do want to write a review, probably something shorter, about Transformers: One. It's the film I've seen the most XD. Althought maybe I should do one of the Bayverse films I have on DVD? Eh. Maybe later. I think I'm going to struggle without a deadline, so either I try and write the whole thing as soon as possible (tonight, even) or I set a "put it on your website regardless" date for something like a week later?

I might just try and do it as much as I can tonight...

I don't really know what I'm going to write for the review, but I've got wikihow open XD so that'll probably help a little bit.

September 7, 2025

oh god i am so fucked ToT

i haven't updated this site in so long (broken heart emoji) i really want to get back to it but i keep getting distracted and just completely loosing all focus.

i've also been sleeping rly shittily like very few hours and not being able to sleep so idk

i bought minecraft thought and playing it is very fun. i gotta figure out how to host a server and run geyser so i can play w/ all mah friends

btw im thinking i might do a more major redesign of this website bcz im no longer very hapy with how it looks LMFAO

like i want it to look good but i don't actually know what i want it to look like. ugh its complicated.

ok so tahts all for 2day bcz im fucking exhausted (its gonna be 5 am soon, yay) pls pray for me guys i gotta fucking get back on the grind brah.

like i'm even behind on reading skybound transformers... behind on reading fanfiction... behind on asks on my gimmick block on tumblr... like what am i gonna mess up next (rolling eyes emoji).

also like a ridiculous amount of info on this website is now outdated chat im gonna cry

also i gotta add the disclaimr that im not religious and that obv asking for prayers is meant in a lighthearted respectfull way, as much as it can be from a rando on the internet much love yall

May 31, 2025

phewwww... im mentally really tired but thats ok. i will try my best to remember what i wanted to write before i forget.

sometimes im so cringy and i hate it but really. im cringe. whatever. im gonna be stupid on occasion and smart on occasion whatever.

im doing a drawing for a friend but im having a stupidly hard time getting started (haha just like high school i obsess over the fact that i have to get it perfect and that i have a deadline (self imposed kinda) but that still doesnt matter. i think i should go start working on it after im done fucking around on mah website (you are here) but we'll see what happens.

i feel like i also tend to write more about annoying things? but life is ok and im alive and sometimes i hate that but i feel like that less often than b4 and i have fun with my friends (they are awesome) so life is generally pretty good.

sometimes not, obviously, but im working on managing that better.

i also just binged watched transformers cyberverse and i reccomend you watch it. whoever you are. who found my website clicked on it decided they didnt hate it that much and stalked my blog.

May 4, 2025

womp womp ya'll are getting an update because im so evil (lloyd laughs evilly)

why yes i can spell why do you ask??

uh. OK SO I WENT TO THE COMIC BOOK STORE BCZ THYE SAID THEY WERE PARTICIPATING AND I GOT THREE! COMIC BOOKS. FOR FUCKING FREE. ITS NOT ALL A LIE TO GET PPL TO BUY MORE SHIT!!

nah it was chill. i was pretty low energy the whole time (what happens after a bunch of emotions + dealing with ppl) but it was still fun.

anyways i got my grubby little hands on the EU 2025 special (BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU BAN-) and the 2024 eu special but also the worst bot ever comic thing with ballpoint.

it's a way lighter comic compared to the others but i think thats cool. it was funny to read and yeah.

..it feels like there is something else i should be talking about? like im forgetting something....

actually its my site and i get to ramble abt whatever the fuck i want so take this XD
i've started going to be much earlier than before, (usually asleep b4 midnight) which i pretty awseom bcz then i get to see the sun and participate in life (which can b nice) but it also means that i hit 9 PM and im like.. ok when am i getting to bed... then i hit 10 PM and its like.. why am i not in bed... (with that tho imma leave (hopefully ill update the site a bit tomorrow? i've got some other stuff i'd like to do too) because its just past 11 PM.

see you later, alligator!

April 27, 2025

tired but whatever. im sitting in my room at my computer but the sun is shining and making it hard to see what's on the screen (im probably going to have a headache again). i want to keep working on making a transformers au (becuase that would be fun) but im having such a hard time watching canon stuff (and reading lol) and also making my oc (actually gained an oc from a weird dream i had... yay?)

ive actually been really anxious because of free comic book day XD because thei're doing a comic for the tf skybound run and i really want to get it (it has bluestreak! in a band! with jazz and arcee and blurr and cliffjumper!) but i dont know how FCBD works or if the comic store i go to participates, and i guess because of the little neurodivergend i am that doesnt help. i get all panicky about all the information (the stores website doesnt have a lot of info on it, and other than that they have a facebook page but i dont have a facebook account so i cant see their updates. and facebook is lay out really weirdly (can you tell tumblr almost the only social media app i use? and i use it with X-Kit Rewritten so even then the normal tumblr layout would probably confuse me? oh well.) thankfully ive gotten to the point where the anxiety is sitting around just a little too "deeply" (in the past? embeded in the emotional level of my brain?) so i cant really do anything. it has rejoined the rest of the anxiety i always feel yay! (NOT.) (anxiety sucks, and i dont even have it as bad as others might.)

anyways im probably going to get off of neocities now and see if i can do some drawing.

sidenote: i made a sideblog on tumblr for my art, right, and its really weird because im getting notes on my posts... (admitedly i havent gotten more than 30 notes on any single post, but its tumblr. the MICRO-blogging platform) so im quite happy about that (people like my art!) (also alot of the better know parts of tumblr ARE the posts that get A LOT of likes/reblogs/comments, so its like looking at only a small percentage of what actually gets posted.

anyways ive already written a gazillion words today, im sorry. ill leave now.

April 18, 2025

havent done any work on the website in what feels like too long, but oh well.. i have a blog on tumblr for my art (with barely any stuff on it lol) and im thinking that thats from where i'm going to host my art? for things like what i want to put on my "cool stuff" page i'll probably just host it on neocities...

AND i went to the comic store again (after having gone to two other stores and walking around a lot, so i was pretty tired and my social battery was in the negative, only to get much worse on the bus ride home) and i got more of the skybound transformers comics, which i am v happy about. (im going to have to take pics and put it on my website....) im also kinda curious about the other stuff in the energon universe (EU) now? like specifically the G.I. Joe (which me from a few months ago would hate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ im just getting used to seeing them so i hate them less now lol) and the Void Rivals.. I dont actually know anything about what is happening in those comics so i would probably check them out online first (from a very reputable source, worry not).

on the bus ride downtown i had a really funny thought about one of my tf ocs so when i got home i made a (very) low effort zine about it. the drawings are ass but i had fun :)

April 7, 2025

im fucking tired.. my life has kinda been all over the place lately. made the mistake of telling someone i wanted to die (that day was specifically worse than other ones) and i got rewarded with a speech about how "other people suffer too" (i had asked something along the lines of "do most ppl have to put their life on pause like i did bcz of being depressed?" also i still have no idea if i legally have depression bcz the fucking report thing is worded THE ABSOLUTE WORST. like. guys. i have no idea what the fuck you mean by this??? anyways. my bad for not fucking understanding your shitty ass legal jargon.)

and then another day i went with a friend to a comic store which was awesome.

i love my friends, they are the awesomest of the awesome.

i bought a bunch of the new transfoerms skybound comics (which i am SUPER HAPPY ABOUT!) and it was nice out that day and now i have transformers comics.

i finally get to one up Sibling One [imagine a creepy creature grinning evily, thats me right now]

anyways i love transformers so much it hurts sometimes. its unreal. literlaly the best explaiation is its how i would imagine falling in love would be for an alloromantic person.

me when i am aromantic and i just fell DEEPLY in love with tranfsormers....

also the amount of transformers i would absolutely kiss... (when im horny, which is rarely) i would absolutely fuck them. AS A TRANSFOERMER MYSELF. because EWWW I HATE MY FUCKING HUMAN BODY WHY THE FUCK AM I TRAPPED IN IT I NEED TO GET OUT!!!!

also the amount of body dysmorphia (i think thats the word) i have been feeling lately...

like the reason i dont feel trans is because if i could have the body i wanted i would take a transformer body. i ain't sticking around in this puny flesh thing ok?

March 14, 2025

yooo im back. ik ik thank you for the applause.

im really tired right now because i didnt sleep... its 9 14 am rn btw.

i decided that it was actually a great idea to not sleep so i spent the night on tumblr and random websites. helps that i watched tv till around 1 30 am....

i went to see a Kraftwerk concert thought!!! it was really fun, and it was awesome too because its fricken KRAFTWERK!!

I came home at the end of the trip with some cool stuff:
1 kraftwerk tee shirt. im wearing it rn :D
2 a kraftwerk patch
3 transformers: one DVD!!! supre happy about that I LOVE TRANSFORMERS SO FUCKING MUCH OMG
4 a linkin park cd! hybrid theory bcz its a banger album.

the trip was really fun too.

and if for a few minutes of the concert prowl was sitting w/ me and vibing.. yes he was. it was nice that he could come, even for just a short bit

February 25, 2025

Hello Folx!!!

I dont really know what to put here. I'm often scared I will say too much on the internet so that's not helping XD.

I started listening to Linkin Park more seriously recently, and I found their "Hybrid Theory" album. It's been playing on loop for a few days now. I really like it. It's just really raw, and the lyrics resonate in me.

I've also been interested in Transformers for a few months now, but I still haven't gotten round to reading the comics. Sibling One keeps bugging me about it, and I feel guilty... I do want to read the comics, I've often found American Comics a quite hard medium to read. Somthing about the art style and text fonts, I suppose.
That's one advantage to watching the shows, is that I find them easier to digest. My favourite so far is definitly Earthspark. I've started the G1 cartoon, but I'm going slowly. Sibling One watched Animated and quite enjoyed it. I, on the other hand, barely got through a few episodes. Something about it really annoyse me. Oh well. Same with Prime. I don't mind watching the episodes, but it's quite hard to actually sit down to watch.

On the whole thought, I do look forwards to looking at more Transformers stuff.

Fan content is a lot easier for me to motivate myself to look at, which, looking at myself, I think makes sense.